Play Hard With Your Wii? by Guest Writer Yousty

October 16th, 2007 · 21 Comments

by Lono

by Guest Writer Yousty
Source: Kotaku, Joystiq

Are you tired of all these crappy Wii games that do nothing, but take advantage of the gimmicky controls that has a target audience of prepubescent kids and their moms? Well, Nintendo President and CEO, Satoru Iwata, has something to say to you:

“I understand that some experts argue that our success is short-lived andtemporary. So, we now need to make efforts to constantly expand the player baseby offering services and titles that can appeal not only to those who have never played games but also to those who play them hard.”

“Play them hard?” Dude needs to fire his translator. Eh… whatever. I’m desperate for a good game for the Wii, so I took a peek at the release list that Nintendo published the day before Iwata’s quote. As we all know, Mario will be making his Wii debut on November 12th in the form of Super Mario Galaxy. Then we’ve got the reputation-redeeming Super Smash Bros. Brawl on Decem….oh wait, that’s right, scratch that. So that leaves ummm…well…hmm…here we go!

November’s launch lineup, complete with actual and sarcastic game descriptions:

Disney Princess: Enchanted Journey - Girls exercise their creativity by choosing their character’s name as well as customizing her look – selecting hair color, skin tone, dresses and more. OMG, I can’t wait to find out what the “more” involves! I really hope it includes picking out jewelry!
Hannah Montana: Spotlight World Tour - Players dance with their Wii controllers as Hannah dances with you on stage to earn devoted fans worldwide. Are you kidding me?! Is this even a game? Do we at least get to shoot at her?
High School Musical: Sing It! - The game brings players an enriched dance experience featuring motion-captured-choreography from the original High School Musical movie dance routines. Yes! All that time I spent memorizing the High School Musical songs and dance routines will finally pay off!
Garfield Gets Real - Control Garfield in order to make your “Garfield Gets Real” movie as funny as possible. Doing anything with Garfield in this game, would make this game funnier than the straight-to-DVD movie.
Petz: Horsez (That’s actually how it’s spelled) - Players will brush their horse, ride it, and groom it from head to toe with the Wii remote, using actions or an on-screen cursor to interact with their horsez like never before. I’ve always wanted my very own Pony! Now I can have my very own Ponyz!