Yesterday, Mr. Supa wrote about the “orange being stale”, in reference to The Orange Box getting dull and dry for him. But that statement makes absolutely no sense.
Oranges DON’T GET STALE!
They mold.
And moldy Orange Box doesn’t make sense either.
But either way, you are being way too critical. Even questioning the money you spent. Think of it my way (the only way): would you rather spend $60 on four superb games, or $60 on cherry flavored Ring Pops? You know that’s all you’d blow it on anyway.
Have you heard the latest SarcasticGamer.com Podcast? On the latest episode we gave Lono a really hard time and even created a promo about all of his appearances. We also talked Wii and Princess Bride. It’s Episode 11 of the SarcasticGamer.com Podcast! Find out why gamers are calling it truly Lono-rific! Click HEREBy now most people have seen right through Doc’s little Kountdown to Katamari. Did you get suckered in?
We launched a brand new version of one of our most popular gamer parodies today. Which one? Click here and find out!
Chris Crocker appeared on Sarcastic Gamer this week, as part of Rothbart’s Rant #31. It was creepy, and a little uncomfortable.
by SupaSlick
(Note: the letter excerpts posted in this article are legitimate and were not altered in ANY way.)
Ok, I’m now in WEEK 4 of no 360 thanks to the freeing experience that is the RRoD. For those of you unlucky folks who still get to be bogged down with a working 360, let me inform you about the incredibly informative, intelligent, and effective staff behind Microsoft’s so called Customer Service.When you register your console (usually while calling about RRoD) it’s supposed to appear on the xbox.com support page, with your current warranty and repair status. Well, in Microsoft’s infinite wisdom, they thought it would be easier to not list me at all, as if I didn’t own a 360. I suppose they felt that forgetting me would be better. That’s probably a stroke of genius on their part. Why should I be able to conveniently check what’s going on with my repair? I should just trust them and have faith that they’re doing everything they can, right?
Well, I still felt the need to do a little checking anyway.
Calling Microsoft’s super-helpful and well trained staff, unfortunately, has been completely ineffective. They seem to think training their people to sound like they’re reading from a manual in broken English is the best way to do business.
They also think that telling you the same thing “Microsoft Max” (their recorded voice) says WORD FOR WORD is even more helpful. I’m sure this is an excellent way to provide customer support, however I’m personally struggling with the concept.
Anyway, I decided to try a different approach: email. For some reason, I thought that if I clearly wrote down my problems and concerns, I might get a clear response. I think what I got in return will speak for itself.
(Note: the letter excerpts you are about to read are legitimate and were not altered in ANY way.)
———————————————————————–
Thank you for writing Xbox Customer Support!
I deeply apologize for any inconveniences you might be having. I understand that you were trying to check on the repair status of your console but the console was not listed on the online support web site. If you are having some issues trying to check the repair status of your console online, you need to call phone support. We may require personal information for verification which cannot be divulged over email. Our phone support team are trained and equipped to assist you in this issue. Our phone support team are trained and equipped to assist you and check your console’s repair status.
You may also call Xbox Phone Support at 1-800-4MYXBOX (1-800-469-9269) at your earliest convenience, and we’ll be happy to help you. We are open everyday from 8am to 12mn US Central Time.
NOTE: You may now check warranty and repair status for your XBOX console by going online at http://service.xbox.com/ using your Windows Live ID account.
Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.
Sincerely,
Xbox Customer Care ———————————————————————–
Now I’m no CSR professional, so I’m sure this is how an accurate and helpful response is supposed to be, however; I still feel this raises the question:
HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE?!
Are they even reading what they’re writing?! This sounds like it was cut and pasted from a form letter, repeatedly! The best part is the “NOTE.”
That’s it. I don’t think I need to say anything else.
Once again Microsoft, your diligence in excellent Customer Service rings true.
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I want the PS3 to succeed, I really do. This might finally be a good step in the right direction. It’s called Folklore, and IGN has a pretty cool looking Video Review of it. I don’t know if it’s a system seller, but a few more games at least this good, and that might be enough for me!
So you’ve got the RRoD. What do you do now? Well, guess what?! Microsoft has the answer.
No, no, they’re not going to speed up repair times, send out loaners, add a more competent phone staff, or actually FIX the problem. Don’t be silly. They’ve come up with something even better!
The RRoD Survival Kit! Time to let all of those weeks of boredom melt away! Check out what you get:
A box of green tissues! Because you’re going to cry and complain for quite awhile.
A Special Microsoft Phone – with 1 big button! Believe me, this is going to come in handy. Never again will you have to go through the tedious process of Microsoft’s automated system. With one push of the giant 360 ball, you will instantly be connected to a Microsoft Customer Service rep. However, it will be useless without the next item.
English to Hindi translator! Sick of repeating yourself, speaking slowly, and trying to explain why you’re calling? This just might be the answer!
RRoD Punching Bag! Screw DDR! Now you can lose weight while beating out all your frustrations! The Red Ring of Death lets you know where to aim!
A DVD of other people playing 360 games! Microsoft knows you can’t actually play anything, but you CAN watch other people play! Enjoy Halo 3 and other great games over the shoulder of other people! (Besides, your DVD player still works.)
Halo 3: The Board Game! Because boy, will you be BORED! Forget “graphics” and “gameplay.” In this exciting, “candyland” style game, you guide Master Chief through a tricky maze to avoid the flood! Includes Co-Op with the Arbiter! Fun sold separately.
With this amazingly useful kit, those 3 to 4 weeks without your console will fly right by! In fact, it’s so great, you might even forget what you’re waiting for in the first place!
The RRoD Survival Kit – don’t buy a 360 without it!
Order now! Only on Xbox Live Marketplace … wait … something’s wrong here.
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Have you heard the latest SarcasticGamer.com Podcast?!
Listen for the latest SG moments like:
Why Halo 3 “normal mode” is for wussies!
How SupaSlick spent Halo 3 day a little differently!
Why Microcenter loves Lono!
Doc’s new “punishment” rule for missing a “pumpkin”
Lono gets trampled - wordwise.
“Mrs. Supa’s” thoughts on “gamer girlfriends” and SarcasticGamer.com!
and other SarcasticGamer.com insanity!
It’s Master Chief-errific! Don’t miss this special jumbo sized epsiode! Click HERE
Love the podcasts? Hate the podcasts?
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(Note: This is the final edition to a three part series. Click for PART 1 or PART 2.)The fighting game genre is dead, or at least it will be if we don’t see some big changes soon. The sad part it is, most of you will read that sentence, shrug, and move on. That’s the problem, no one really cares, and for those of us who do there’s nothing we can do about it.
Fighting games may exist, but their future is certainly bleak. Fighting game designers need to think of a way to bring back the community feeling that I’ve mentioned before. Designers need to create a way to engage more people at once. Also they need to create a new form of intensity. If people got the same thrill out of 3 hit combos like they did from a head shot with a sniper rifle, we might be on to something.
Designers need to take all these customizations and online capabilities out there and import them into the fighting game world. Imagine if the technology behind the Halo 3 level editor was put into a standard fighting game! Don’t like the available characters? You should be able to TRULY create your own. Tiger Woods let you do it, why not a fighter?
How bout customizing your character controls and special moves. Don’t like those quarter circle movements? Create your own! Think that fireball should be able to hit the feet instead of the chest? Change it! The more customizeable, the better.
As I look ahead to the holiday season, and 2008, I wonder if the dismal selection of titles coming out will do anything to revitalize the genre. I’d like to take a moment to give props to the Super Smash Brothers series, as I’ve neglected it so far. They were some truly great games, and broke new ground in the multiplayer fighter (more than 2 people). The new version for the Wii, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, could be the breath of fresh air the genre so desperately needs. But even if it does, it won’t be enough.
So what else is on the horizon? I’ve spoken about Virtua Fighter 5 for 360, which hopefully will be great, but that’s already out for PS3. Next year, we can expect Soul Calibur 4, which will for sure generate some press, but part 3, an exclusive for the PS2, was a bit of a disappointment.
As far as 2d fighters go, some forums members may remember the Guilty Gear series. Its coming back with a new sequel next year. Then there’s the new HD remix of Street Fighter coming out for XBLA. I’m excited about these two, as they are probably the only 2d fighters on the horizon. I just hope they do both their series proud.So, is that it? What’s that, four new games, and none of them will be all that revolutionary. So tell me, is it even possible for fighting games to make a comeback? What features would an awesome fighter need to have? Are fighting games dying because most are made just for 2 players, or is it something more?
I say if we don’t see a true revamp soon, we can kiss the fighting game goodbye.
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We couldn’t wait another year to celebrate the release of Halo 3, or what we like to call The Greatest Day In The History Of Makind! Relive the stories from only a week earlier. Bask in the glow of Halo 3. May the hype live on forever!!!
Not many people talk about a game a week after its release, let alone play it. Remember the release of Halo 3? What a great game that was. What a great day it was. Some might have even called it a hit title! Some have called it the greatest day in the history of the world. Because we couldn’t wait, today on Sarcasticgamer.com we’re going to celebrate the one week anniversary of the single greatest contribution to the human race since the invention of fire!We don’t think there was enough hype or publicity for this cultural revolution! We couldn’t wait a whole year, so we’re gonna re-celebrate the greatest day in the history of the world’s one week anniversary!
All day long you can count on each of us here at SG as we talk about the greatest thing ever and what we think about how Halo 3 will effect the world for the years to come!
Don’t get left out! We want to hear from you too, our faithful readers! Now that Halo 3 is long dead, and everyone has beaten the incredibly long and extensive campaign mode, it’s time to think about all the good times you had too!
From the moments leading up to Halo 3’s landing on 9/25/07, to your actual purchase, to your fondest gameplay memories, to your ascension to another plane of existence, reflect with us on the forums!
The Greatest Day in the History of the World, one week later!
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Shipping giant UPS announced today their entire computer network has been fried! The cause? Anxious and angry busted Xbox 360 owners!
According to UPS Spokesperson Ima Packman:
“Stop hitting ‘refresh’ you idiots!”
Gamers going through withdrawal are doing nothing but hitting the refresh button on the UPS.com tracking page.
Every time an Xbox 360 gets the dreaded “Red Ring of Death” or “RRoD” as it is more commonly known, Microsoft graciously pays for the UPS shipping of the busted console to their repair center in McAllen, Texas.
The problem is, both Microsoft and UPS never expected the explosive tenacity and eagerness of their gaming hungry clientele!
Microsoft’s head of repairs Jason Slowberg stated:
“It’s quite ironic, 360 owners want their consoles back so badly, but they don’t even realize THEY are the ones causing the repairs to go so slow! At least people are mad at UPS and not us anymore!”
Also UPS chief engineer Jimmy Boxing had to comment:
“Every time you hit refresh, you’re bringing a man in tight brown shorts to his knees!”
Unfortunately these cries are just too late as the onslaught of “refreshing” has refused to cease, causing a UPS global shutdown.
Remember frustrated gamers, resist the urge to refresh! You WILL get your replacement system and a UPS worker’s life you save may be the one with your 360!
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That’s right … today you can count on nothing but Broken News all day long! Can’t wait for that next article? Click HERE to see all our hit parodies!
Have you figured out why Doc keeps screaming “pumpkins?” The answer is in this week’s podcast! Click HERE.
Did you like something you read? That’s Good! What? You hated it? That’s even better! Sound off on our forums! Do you love rolling around a ball of crap? Did that question leave you confused? Then Doc has some wordsfor you, and I mean alot.
Are you among the dying breed of fighting game fans? Check out PART 1 and PART 2 of our special series!
Remember, 2 out of 1000 gamers agree! SarcasticGamer.com … is your home for gaming humor, parodies, opinions and occasional facts!
